Holy heart opening!!! I have been saving the heart space, (as mentioned in previous posts) for this exact moment. I knew it would be intense. I knew I wanted to work through some other levels before I took the dive this far. I had been avoiding this area, almost to the level of subconsciously ignoring it. We sometimes do this when the pain is so old and deep.
I have felt a disconnect from my heart for a very long time. At any early age, scoliosis created some patterns of body dysmorphia and I was always sending negative energy to my body, angry and frustrated at myself for having chosen this path. Holy heart opening!!! I have been saving the heart space, (as mentioned in previous posts) for this exact moment. I knew it would be intense. I knew I wanted to work through some other levels before I took the dive this far. I had been avoiding this area, almost to the level of subconsciously ignoring it. We sometimes do this when the pain is so old and deep.
I have felt a disconnect from my heart for a very long time. At any early age, scoliosis created some patterns of body dysmorphia and I was always sending negative energy to my body, angry and frustrated at myself for having chosen this path. It is not something I speak much about. I am in the yoga and healing community...we are always supposed to be about love, self-love, and body acceptance. Sometimes I felt like a fraud. I speak about it, but I don’t feel it and I didn’t know how to feel it. I would get glimpses of it at times, but for the most part I could not energetically drop into that space. I carry myself in a very guarded way, and it was hard to let people in. I am so very lucky to have an amazing family, support system, and husband, all of whom love me unconditionally, but I knew that I was having a hard time taking in the imprint of love as a living being or Force, due to some unhealthy mental patterns formed in my younger years.
The severe curve on my spine started right at the heart chakra. I had limited thoracic mobility from the
fusion, so I knew this would be working through some old, stuck energy. Sometimes I felt like my torso was in a permanent corset, limiting my movement and flow. I wanted to unleash this sensation. We did one dot on the heart from the front and three dots on the back. The “gates”or burn marks from the tamishans (vines used to burn/open the gates) were larger than I had experienced in the past, so I knew I was going to receive a good dose of medicine. Kambo was applied and off I go!
The intensity was unexplainable...the rush, the vibrations, the levels of nausea and emotions that began to come up. I felt the “purge” coming on. I had seven previous kambo sessions under my belt and no upward purge or vomiting, which is the trademark kambo effect. This time I knew it was unlocking that hold on me; the ungodly fear I had of vomiting. The pain and anguish I carried day to day was about to be set free...Amen!
I was still stuck. I felt like I needed to vomit and I could not get it out. I experienced mapacho and its power for the first time. Mapacho is a very strong tobacco that will sometimes be used in ceremony if someone is “stuck”. It is blown on or around the individual. Neal came over and blew mapacho smoke right over my head and I immediately purged.
I felt this upheaval of old ‘ish coming out of my body. It was so cathartic. I wanted to laugh and cry and scream all at the same time. Gracias kambo. I was so thankful for the Frog Detox Team and the unwavering support they gave throughout the process
Sometimes our purges can be educational...mine this first day definitely was. Even though I had fasted 8 or 9 hours, I still had undigested food in the bucket. I needed some enzymes and I needed to CHEW MY FOOD. The purge can be a humbling experience for sure. I felt like I was starting to chip away at the dense energy that was weighing on my chest.
After we all treated each other, it was time for rest and dinner. I felt such a sense of peace and calm. Like my nervous system had completely reset. I was happy and felt light. I wanted to be around people and laugh; how novel right?
I did not sleep well that night. I woke up multiple times drenched in sweat unlike any kind of night sweats I had experienced previously. It was a pool on the bed, like I had gotten in after a shower without toweling off. I knew this was part of the detoxification process - both a physical and emotional detoxing. It felt like bricks being removed from my body.
I woke up ready to go again.
Gracias Mapacho. Gracias Kambo.
*To learn more about kambo and if it may be a good fit for you, please visit this link or reach out to Carly 336-403-6181*